All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

It doesn’t matter whether the recent allegations about the British Prime Minister are true or false, the damage has been done. And though what he is accused of doing is technically not illegal, (owning pictures of it might be), he will be remembered for this accusation for evermore, which is a bit of a shame because he’s done a lot of worse things in his time as Prime Minister that he should be remembered for.  But if Tony Bliar can sleep well in his five-star bed whilst raking in millions around the world working as a peace envoy then I’m sure Dave will get over it.

Despite the fact that it provided twitter with an incredible 24 hours worth of entertainment with hashtags such as #piggate, #hameron and the wonderfully named #baeofpigs trending for most of Monday, it has also helped highlight a particularly disgusting problem in the politics of the UK, one that is far more repulsive than the one Dave has been accused of carrying out.

Earlier this year I wrote a blog titled “UK Election: Voting for the Rat King?” where I suggested that all British politicians were one in the same, regardless of their party.

“Tails matted together by the corrupt banking system, snarled by the powerful big corporations, and twisted by the biased media. The filthy restricted environment where they were born and raised: the private schools, elite universities, jobs for the boys corporations, and private members clubs sealing their fates and fusing their unpleasant appendages together. The dirty stinking underbelly of the political system that has added grime and filth to their interconnectedness has also left them powerless as individuals…And it doesn’t matter which rat you vote for, regardless of what they promise as individuals, when the results are counted you’ll always get the rat king.”

Although I wasn’t as quite on the nail as Charlie Brooker who wrote an episode of Black Mirror that depicted the Prime Minister going one step further than Dave, I wasn’t far off the mark, and these allegations are a perfect example of this ‘dirty stinking underbelly’ that I alluded to.

But for as much as people are horrified by the alleged actions of a  young (and presumably drunk) David Cameron there hasn’t been that much comment about the person who spent the last five years writing the book “Call me Dave” that has been serialised in the Tory supporting Daily Mail (and that brings up a whole host of other questions). The Right Honourable Lord Ashcroft KCMG PC, who despite being the 37th richest person in the UK (and officially resides in Belize and also the Turks and Caicos Islands but not the UK for tax reasons)  thought that because he ‘donated’ 8 million pounds (of tax-free money) to the Tory party he could be assured of a cushy job in government. These (alleged) allegations have only come to light because he was particularly pissed off when it turned out that David Cameron didn’t want to be publicly seen to be rewarding his former (tax evading) friend by inviting him to take part in the 2010 post-election orgy.

Let us not forget in all this porcine pontificating that Lord Ashcroft is indeed a nasty piece of work who will do quite nicely out of this scandal tax-free (as will Amazon).

But what can we learn from this intimate glance into the Prime Minister’s private yearbook?

Well for one it might make us think differently of Boris and George and well, most of the whole of Parliament as the majority of them attended private schools and elite universities, and many of them may well have suffered a similar fate or at least found themselves “…alone in a cold schoolroom, a hot crumpet burning [their] cheeks with shame”.

But more importantly this disclosure of very private and secret (and alleged) information shows that all of these people in power, who have progressed through their system, and who have succeeded in their field, all have an Achilles heel, and one that other perhaps richer and more powerful people know all about. Any number of ‘youthful misdemeanours’ may be lurking below the surface of the houses of parliament that are careful manipulated to keep the young bucks on track, but also many more dangerous ones may also be there, more salacious stories may be being kept under wraps, as a way to control those in power. Dark secrets that are (potentially) being withheld to direct policy decisions and (possible) illegal activities are kept hidden that could dictate the voting on key policies. This alleged dirt and slime and scandalous nasty goings on are perhaps always bubbling away just out of reach of the pubic ear but ready  to erupt at any minute and are perhaps more instrumental in the decision-making process of our governments than we could ever imagine possible.

You only need to look into the system of  lobbying to know that those ’in power’ have at times had to succumb to outside influences. Look into the ‘cash for questions’, or ‘cash for honours’ scandal but replace the word ‘cash’ with the words ‘I know what you did last summer’ and you can potentially see a different side to our valued democracy.

And it is all completely legitimate and above-board. In Parliament they have whips who are members of a political party and are employed to ‘offer encouragement to party members to vote according to the official party policy’. If you watch this short clip from an  interview with Trevor Victor Norman Fortescue, CBE who served as senior whip in the Heath government you can get a decent idea about how the whips did and do operate.

‘For anyone with any sense, who was in trouble, would come to the whips and tell them the truth, and say now, I’m in a jam, can you help? It might be debt, it might be… a scandal involving small boys, or any kind of scandal in which, erm er, a member seemed likely to be mixed up in, they’d come and ask if we could help and if we could, we did. And we would do everything we can because we would store up brownie points… and if I mean, that sounds a pretty, pretty nasty reason, but it’s one of the reasons because if we could get a chap out of trouble then, he will do as we ask forever more.’

Doesn’t the #piggate story make you wonder how many political decisions, votes in parliament,  appointments to government and peerages have been made not because of meritocracy or democracy, not for the good of the country not for the good of the electorate,  but to keep a deep dark personal secret under wraps.

Perhaps that is the ultimate reasoning behind the continuation of these out of date elite private gentlemen clubs, the initiation ceremonies. Through the hazing of new members the continuing system of control and power is maintained, in fact believe it or not, the fucking of a dead pig’s mouth is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

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