Hold onto your hats, the battle of Brexit is on its way to a TV near you.
The referendum will be held on Thursday 23rd June, which means the first three weeks in June might be a good time to go on holiday, or at least pretend to go on holiday, cancel the papers and hide under the bed.
The choice is simple. Stay or Go.
One thing you can count on though, after several weeks of pompous, porcine and overpaid politicians, preening, preaching and parading themselves on the top of the pops type podiums.
You’ll still be non-the-wiser whether we are better off staying or going.
This glittery high-tech modern approach to debate, filled with soundbites, glitzy slogans and adverts, fireworks and filibustering is intended to entertain not educate, and anyway the modernity of it all is somewhat damped by the fact that you still have to take time off work to walk down to the local primary school and hide behind a musty curtain to carve an X onto a bit of paper before popping it in a box.
I thought I would try to hack my way through all the hyperbole to work out what it is all about.
It is confusing.
Never the less, this is what I have found, the arguments in favour of leaving or staying as presented by each side. I hope it helps you make your choice…
If we leave: millions of jobs will be created due to reduced EU regulations and red tape.
If we stay: millions of jobs will be created as global manufacturers will be attracted to move to the UK in the knowledge they are protected by EU regulations and red tape.
If we leave: the economy will grow as the ’problem’ of immigration will be solved, wages will be boosted, and the pressure on public services will be lessened.
If we stay: the economy will grow as forecasted because we rely heavily on the migrant labour and taxes paid by immigrants to keep funding public services.
If we leave: our exports will go up as we will be free to establish bilateral trade agreements with countries like China and India.
If we stay: our exports will go up because we will still be able to trade with EU members without trade barriers.
If we leave: voters will be protected as the government can establish more relevant laws. Children will once again be allowed to blow up balloons, and bananas will be bent.
If we stay: voters will be protected by more relevant employment laws and social protections established by the EU parliament. Bananas will remain straight, children will be balloonless.
If we leave: we’ll go back to inches, gills and shillings and everyone will have to ‘clean for the Queen’ once a week or face the birch.
If we stay: we’ll probably have to have another referendum to decide on the Euro currency and the merry-go-round will start all over again.
If we leave: “Tax avoidance and evasion will reach crippling levels as our economy becomes increasingly wholly owned by foreign multinationals that make tax avoidance in Britain central to their business strategy,”
If we stay: “Tax avoidance and evasion will reach crippling levels as our economy becomes increasingly wholly owned by foreign multinationals that make tax avoidance in Britain central to their business strategy,”
If we leave: we are more vulnerable to the terrorists, as we will lose the support of the EU countries.
If we stay: we are more vulnerable to the terrorists due to the open borders policy of the EU countries.
If we leave: Boris Johnson will not be off the tele for weeks conducting smug interviews telling us he was right all along and making (not so sly) digs at “Call me Dave” cos at last he got to beat his old pal and get revenge for the buttered crumpet incident at Eaton.
Viva el Presidente Boris!
If we stay: Boris Johnson will not be off the tele for weeks conducting smug interviews, splinters firmly wedged up his arse after climbing back over the fence, to persuade us all that really he wanted us to stay (as he categorically stated all year right up to the point when he said he wanted us to leave) all along.
Viva el Presidente Boris!
So there you have it, simple.
I guess it all comes down to how you like your bananas.
One thing that is for sure, whether we stay or go, don’t get too used to it. When Herr Trump takes power, it won’t be long before only the cockroaches will be left to decide on trans-Atlantic border trade agreements, lets hope they’re a liberal bunch.