Americans: an alternative version of Russians by Sting (with apologies to Sting)

This is what happens when you drink half a bottle of wine and then listen to iTunes on shuffle at the same time as reading the news. I was just catching up on Donald Trump’s latest escapades when Sting’s 1985 song ‘Russians’ came on and I found myself singing along but inventing new lyrics relevant to the recent period of crisis we are living through.

If you are not familiar with the song watch the video below and you’ll get an idea of what I was thinking. Incidentally I had to Google “names that Donald Trump has been called” to get some of the lines, and that was a thoroughly enjoyable investigation. I tried to incorporate as many as I could (and there are a lot), Fuckface Von Clownstick is my personal favourite.

In Europe and America there’s a growing feeling of hysteria

Conditioned to respond to all the threats

Of  ill-prepared speeches in press conferences

Agent Orange said ‘We will travel ban you’

I don’t subscribe to Kellyanne’s alternative view

It’d be such a racist thing to do

If Fuckface Von Clownstick loved America too

 

How can I save my immigrant friends

From this Putin puppet’s tiny hands

There is no monopoly on common sense

On the American side of the Mexican fence

They share the same biology

Regardless of xenophobic ideology

Believe me when I say to you

I hope Cheeto Jesus stops tweeting on the loo

 

‘Adviser’ Steve Bannon is UNPRESIDENTED

Putting words in the mouth of the ‘president’

There’s no such thing as a WINNING BIGLY WAR

I’m not sure he believes it himself anymore

Hair Furher says mainstream news is FAKE

From golden showers, to Obamas’ cake

Believe me when I say to you

“NOBODY RESPECTS WOMEN MORE THAN I DO”

 

They share the same biology

Regardless of racist and sexist patriarchy

What might save us, me and you

Is if the Russians can arrange an impeachment soon

 

(The original for reference)

If you are interested, the song (according to Wikipedia) was written as a critical commentary of the cold war between Russia and the United States. The sad and slow backing track to the song is apparently the Romance Theme from Lieutenant Kijé Suite by Russian composer Sergei Prokofiev. In 1985 Mikhail Gorbachev became General Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union and in 1989 Gorbachev and Reagan’s successor, George H. W. Bush, declared the Cold War over at the Malta Summit.

Peace

Cliff

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